the first and last day

Open your eyes

“You think this is just another day in your life? It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you today. It’s given to you. It’s a gift. It’s the only gift that you have right now, and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is, if you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day, then you will have spent this day very well. Begin by opening your eyes and be surprised that you have eyes you can open, that incredible array of colors that is constantly offered to us for pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment, with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even with the weather, we don’t think of all the many nuances of weather. We just think of good weather and bad weather. This day, right now, has unique weather, maybe a kind that will never exactly in that form come again. That formation of clouds in the sky will never be the same as it is right now. Open your eyes. Look at that.” – Louie Schwartzberg

This quote appeared on my instagram feed this morning, right when I needed it the most. I am in a constant fluctuation between past and future these days; rarely focusing on the gifts of present and presence. Rarely stopping to indulge my senses. Rarely noticing the details that make up the rich embroidery of this life. My life.

And so today we watch the sunrise and give thanks for our spidery friend.
We relish in squishy cuddles that I know won’t be around forever.
We notice each other from different angles.
We dig in the dirt.
We explore texture.
We laugh and hug as though today is both the first and last day.
And we give thanks.

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She Let Go

A wee poem share today. That’s all.

xx

She Let Go by Rev Safire Rose

Image via Elephant Journal

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

thirty five

It’s my birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday to meee!!

floating-women-in-air-and-balloons

I’ve been in a real state of reflection lately; searching for my path, wondering why I’m here, what my skills are, what my Why is, how to be professionally and personally fulfilled. Thinking about what makes me tick, why I do what I do, why I like what I like, why I want what I want – and what even do I want?

Reflection. Contemplation. Meditation.

Searching for the age-old question:

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I requested, and was thrilled to receive Leonie Dawson’s Life + Biz Planner for mother’s day. I’ve only had it for a couple of weeks but already I have started to see things more clearly. I’ve also been listening to the Happier podcast, by Gretchen Rubin (of The Happiness Project fame). Things are becoming more shiny. I feel like I have a purpose. Some direction. A little bit of a plan. And it’s exciting!

Thought it might be timely on this birthday eve to do a little stocktake, a la, Meet Me At Mikes. I’ve done it a few times now and it’s lovely to look back and see where my mind and heart were sitting at a particular time.

♥ Taking Stock ♥

Making :: a food baby. I’m starting Whole30 officially on June 1st and plan to unofficially start tomorrow. The last few days I’ve been enjoying foodstuffs that I know will be off the menu for the next 30 days. Not all bad. A little too much chocolate perhaps, but mostly yummies like sourdough with butter and raw honey, or spiced cinnamon. And port. As a result, I’m a little squidgey around the middle, my new work uniforms are a little snug and I don’t think we have any cacao or cocoa powder left in the house. I’ll call that one Taking It For The Team.

Cooking :: porridge, chocolate, veggie hash meals, lots of eggs.

Drinking :: not enough water. A little too much milk and port. Separately.

Reading :: The Happiness Project.

Wanting: a week-full of wake-less nights and 7am sleep-ins. Scratch that. I’d be happy with JUST ONE night without being woken by one or both kids, and one morning where I sleep until at least 7 o’clock. I’ve put in a request with hubby for tonight. Fingers crossed, eh?

Looking :: forward a little too much. Trying to embrace mindfulness.

Playing :: dress the dolls with Miss3. Every day. She loves it. Dolls of mine that were never undressed have been disrobed, teddybears squeeze into baby doll clothes like The Only Gay in the Village.

Deciding :: that I think I might finally be grown up enough to just fucking do it. Whatever that may be.

Wishing :: that the TVC fairy waves her wand over Hubby’s head tonight.

Enjoying :: Roobios tea and coconut milk. Several times a day.

Waiting :: to see if we’re moving to the country.

Liking :: how I’ve started to make some leeway in my quest for the meaning of (my) life.

Wondering :: if I’ll sleep through tonight.

Loving :: the ‎2015 Create Your Shining Year In Life + Biz Workbookers! Facebook group. And my workbook. And my ubercircles.

Pondering :: about how I can use all of my skills and passions to create an abundant life.

Considering :: where we should buy a house.

Watching :: The Code. Have you seen it? Do yourself a favour and check it out. It’s incredible.

Hoping :: to sleep through the night tonight.

Marvelling :: at Miss 3’s ability to draw.

Needing :: a week of uninterrupted sleep. There seems to be a bit of a theme here.

Smelling :: roobios tea and coconut milk. Wishing I was smelling chai, but I cannot (easily) find one that I like at the moment.

Wearing :: T’s Commonwealth Lighthouse Services hoodie. 

Following :: Sacred Earth on Spotify.

Noticing :: that I’m a little sniffly. And my back has been really sore recently.

Knowing :: that I’ve had enough last hurrahs to see me through the month of June and beyond. 

Thinking :: about things to add to my 100 things to do in 2015 list.

Feeling :: tired. Bone tired.

Admiring :: how free my kids are. 

Sorting :: always. Washing, toys, stuff.

Buying :: a little more than we should, but less than we have in the past.

Getting :: tired.

Bookmarking :: images for my online dreamboard.

Disliking :: how much I vague out into iphone land again.

Opening :: birthday cards tomorrow.

Giggling :: infrequently. I need a good giggle.

Feeling :: positive.

Snacking :: on toast with butter and honey. 

Coveting :: nothing. I don’t covet anymore. Stuff is a little less attractive to me these days.

Wishing :: I could see just a few days into the future.

Helping :: patients. And mostly enjoying it.

Hearing :: my inner voice tell me to go and have a bath. Sounds like a plan to me.

January goals and a ramble about my child who’s actually trying to kill me.

23 days into January and I gotta say I think I’m doing alright. My goals for this month were pretty simple: ditch coffee, go to bed before 10pm, drink 2L water daily, do 3km or 30 minutes a day and commence another Whole30.

I haven’t been able to tick off every goal every day though, and do you know something? I honestly feel rubbish for it. A couple of days I’ve missed my water intake, which usually coincides with not doing any exercise, which usually comes as a result of a late night. There have been a few times that 10pm has gone by like a whisper and I’ve found myself on the other side of 11pm. Once due to birthday prep for MissC and the other times thanks to MasterL.

Leelo

His sleeping SUCKS by the way. For a kid who used to sleep from 7-4 in his infancy, he’s taken the 4 month sleep regression and pretty well hung on to it now for the last TWELVE MONTHS. Ok, maybe that’s a bit unfair. He did manage to let me resettle him without the boob at about 10 1/2 months of age, and then slept through for a few weeks before his 1st birthday. Then shortly after he turned one he started waking overnight and not simply wanting a feed but DEMANDING a feed before he would settle back to sleep. And before you get all ‘he’s one, be the parent’ on me, this boy can tantrum. He is Captain Cruisy 98% of the time, until he’s not, and then he lets loose like I have never seen before. It’s actually kinda impressive. And before you get all ‘he’s one, be the parent’ on me again, over his  tantruming, the kid would literally wail, non-stop, full-volume, for as long as it took me to renig and just bloody feed him – usually about 45 minutes. Which is definitely pushing boundaries when you have another sleeping toddler in the house.

He’s settled back into a manageable pattern of 2-3 feeds during the day (depending on whether or not i’m at work) and one overnight, but I am well and truly ready for this night waking to be over. It’s killing me. It’d be ok if day sleeps were a relatively pleasant experience, but they’re not. We’ve moved him off the mattress on our floor, back into the cot in his own room and once he falls asleep he’s ok, but getting to sleep has turned into another drama. Unless he is absolutely completely knackered and falls asleep on the boob he Will. Not. fall asleep for me. Day or night, he just won’t.

Crawls up to Grandma, sits on her lap and sings in her ear while she sings back to him and cuddles him to sleep. Has a brief whinge when Daddyo lies in the cot beside him, holding his arms by his side, then falls asleep. Wriggles and giggles and carries on sticking his fingers up my nose and in my eyes when I hold him and sing. Whinges and wriggles and kicks and fights and spits his dummy and cries cuz he doesn’t have it and flips his body over and tries to sit up and tantrums lying down and basically does anything he can to fight sleep when I jump in the cot and hold him close.

So I’ve taken to getting all hardcore on him. I get out of the cot and sit beside it on the floor. He stands up, I take out his dummy until he lies down, then I give it back. If he doesn’t lie down, I lie him down. Again and again and again. He crawls around the cot, reaches through the bars, grabs what he can, throws his dummy away, cries cuz it’s gone. etc etc etc.

I try ignoring him, just sitting beside him.

I try the pat pat pat on the mattress.

I am at my wits end trying to put him to bloody bed.

Did I  mention that I think he’s actually trying to kill me?

This month has made me so acutely aware of how important sleep is. On the odd occasion that I go to sleep at 930 I am in a much better position to deal with interrupted sleep and early mornings (oh yes, they both wake before 6am most days). On the more routine 10pm nights with only one feed and a seamless transition back to bed, I feel like I’m able to stay afloat. Every other night I feel my patience, my mood, my nice-to-be-around-ness all falling deeper and deeper into a hole of unpleasantness.

I’m not going to get all Tizzie Hall on MasterL but I think Robin Baker might be getting dusted off for a bit of hard-core mummy routine. Something’s gotta change.

Focus on Health :: half way check-in

Can’t believe we’re halfway through January already! MissC turns 3 next week and I haven’t even thought about her birthday (let alone started making her birthday crown…). My studies are still on there back burner and, well you can see how regularly in managing to blog.

I have, however been pretty successful in the health stakes.

Month one of my Focus on Life project is Focus on Health, and I feel like I’ve managed to do that without making major sacrifices. This pleases me, because I think what I’m doing may just be sustainable.

So what does Focus on Health look like for me?

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Glad to say that 15 days in and I’m doing really well! Tuesday was the first day all month that I didn’t do 3km or 30 minutes; in fact, I’ve been running more consistently than I ever have before. I’m going gang busters without coffee (though yesterday morning in the city was a bit if a challenge… It’s part of my city ritual to get a coffee before work). I’m in bed at 10 pm every night and most days have my 2L water. Admittedly that’s been pretty easy with this heat!

And… I’m day 8 of my #Whole30. It’s been fun this time around to try and keep it as cheap and easy as possible. I’ll post more about how that’s going soon.

Did you set any goals for the new year? How are you traveling?

a quick catch up, and why you should wear sunscreen

I haven’t posted anything for a while. I’ve been busy, yes, but it’s mostly because I found out that ‘Vitalogy Health & Fitness’ is already registered as an Australian Business Name.Then I listened to my Cert IV Business Operations and Marketing lecture and -much like they do in Bloggersville – they were talking about having a niche. And having a name that represents your brand and your niche. So then I got all in my head (and all over twitter) about how to morph ‘Vitalogy Health & Fitness’ into something pregnancy and post natally related, whilst still keeping Vitalogy. And then in the end I spoke to my father in law and he came up with the catchy ‘Natal Days Health and Fitness’ which I quite like, so obviously spent a good few hours designing and perfecting a wee logo for my new business.

Natal Days logo

Yes, I am only two modules into my Cert IV.

Yes, I have QUITE a ways to go before I am qualified and can actually run a fitness business.

Still, some things you just gotta do right? Logos are important 😉

Oh, and I started another blog and started transferring posts from here to there. Started thinking about rebranding and writing more niche specific content, started the Whole 30.

And then I thought about buying a gym and the idea of Vitalogy Health & Fitness bounced back in my head as I pondered life as a gym owner and personal trainer to the broader public (with a focus on pregnancy etc), not merely a self employed, meet-you-at-your-desired-location personal trainer to pregnant and post-natal women. I thought about how it would turn our worlds upside down (both positively and negatively, no doubt) and about how it might be the poorest and most fulfilling years of our life. Or the poorest first year and then financially freeing decision we make.  And things like that.

And then Hubby (furthermore known as T) said what about our 2016 Road Trip? And it reminded me that when we look over the sale information we need to make sure we consider ALL aspects of our lives that will be affected, not just the obvious time and financial ones.

So I’m back in the Natal Days camp. But as I write this though I keep thinking about how much I like the word vitalogy even though it’s not officially a word. I like it because it sounds like vitality, which is such a great word and reminds me of life, which reminds me of birth, which brings me back to the niche. So maybe I can still use Vitalogy SOMEHOW.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure I’ve got time to think about it all still. In the mean time I’m going to move the new posts from there to here again and stay in this happy little place for a bit.

NOW, the reason for my post!

I just saw this video on Upworthy and LOVED it. I’ve been extremely slack with sunscreen over the last few years – living in a bleak town for 4 years will do that to you – and it’s a habit that I’ve had trouble breaking since we moved to the river. Not anymore.

Jenn x

Two Beautiful Bunnies

I'm a mama to two beautiful babies. I have started this blog to gather my thoughts and try to improve who I am as a person but particularly as a mother, wife, daughter and sister.

Gabrielle Bernstein, Inc.

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